This is Why Chores Are Dangerous

In her short story “I Stand Here Ironing”, Tillie Olsen follows a busy mother as she reflects on her relationship with her eldest daughter, Emily. We quickly learn that the mother cannot always connect with her daughter when she says, “You think because I am her mother I have a key, or that in some way you could use me as a key?” (3). We also sense that she feels that she has made mistakes with her daughter when she says “I will become engulfed with all I did or did not do, with what should have been and what cannot be helped” (4). The big question for the mother is whether or not she could have done more for her daughter, whose life is a constant struggle. We follow the mother as she reflects on Emily’s life and strongly questions whether she has failed her now nineteen-year-old daughter.

After Emily was born, her mother saw her as a “miracle”. She loved Emily for her beautiful, baby-ish qualities and dedicated her life to Emily’s happiness. Unfortunately the family’s poor circumstance caused Emily’s father to leave and forced her mother to work while Emily stayed with a neighbor, “to whom Emily was no miracle at all” (9). Eventually, the mother had to send Emily to live with her ex-husband’s family until she earned more money. Instead of living with her mother who was dedicated solely to her, Emily stayed with people who did not care for her in the way only her mother could. As we might expect, this separation takes a terrible toll on Emily.

The mother remembers that when Emily returned home, she had lost her childlike qualities, even though she was still only two-years-old. The mother sent Emily to nursery school because Emily was “old enough, so they said” and because she herself had to work (12). The mother says that even though she sensed the school was a bad place for Emily, she had no choice of schools and sent her anyway. As the mother feared, Emily was miserable at school and even feigned sickness to avoid going. The mother at this point in her thoughts notes the difference between Emily and her other children. Again, the mother feels guilty that Emily was unhappy and she could do nothing. Unlike her other children, however, Emily never threw tantrums about going to school nor openly said she didn’t want to go. This recollection disturbs the mother. She wonders why Emily was different and fears that she scared Emily into obeying her. She then remembers what another neighbor once said to her: “you should smile at Emily more when you look at her” (17). From there, she reflects on how she was different with her children. With Emily, she didn’t smile as she did with the others and now neither did Emily. When she was left alone at night, she would call out to her mother and once threw the clock into the hall because its ticking made her nervous. When she had nightmares, her mother was stern and told her to go back to sleep because she was too tired to sit with her. Emerging from her reflections, the mother regrets how she treated Emily now that Emily refuses to be comforted at night. She feels that Emily now resists comfort because she was denied it for so long. We see that Emily’s mother had no idea how to help her and, in desperation, sometimes made matters worse for her daughter.

Eventually, people at a clinic convinced the mother to send Emily to a group home in the country where she will better cared for Despite her mother’s best intentions, Emily did not improve at the home. The mother was not even allowed to be near Emiliy when she visited and, after eight months of struggle, the mother and her new husband got Emily released from the home. With Emily back, the mother tried to give her more love, but Emily was unreceptive. At this point, the mother could not even make up for the love she never gave. Emily again struggled in school and tried to stay home, and sometimes her mother let her now that she was not working. Even with the mother not working, Emily is emotionally detached and resents her new baby sister, who breaks and loses her things. Looking back at the children, the mother says, “I have edged away from it, that poisonous feeling between them, that terrible balancing of hurts and needs I had to do between the two, and did so badly those earlier years” (40). It seems to the mother that Emily shrank away from her family even more once the other children were born. She could not give Emily the love she needed and manage the household at the same time. With more children and less time, we expect to hear that Emily’s situation worsened as the distance between her and her mother grew.

Instead of worsening, though, Emily’s situation actually improved slightly as she got older. Her mother remembers how she discovered her talent for impressions, even winning a talent show and being asked to perform at other schools. She also remembers how strong and confident Emily seemed on stage and that she could hardly recognize her daughter who was usually so shy. Despite the improvements, Emily was “as imprisoned in her difference as she had been in anonymity” (47). But as we emerge from the mother’s memories, it seems that Emily is now a stronger person than she was as a child.

At the end of the story, the mother escapes from her reflections and we meet the teenage Emily. The mother says “this is one of her communicative nights and she tells [her] everything and nothing as she fixes a plate of food” (51). When she sees Emily, the mother wonders why she was worrying in the first place, because Emily is happy now. She summarizes every bad thing in Emily’s life in her head, everything she did wrong and everything that was beyond her own control. In the end, the mother decides to let Emily be, because even if she does not reach her full potential, she is still a beautiful person. In this decision, she also lets herself be with happy with her daughter, without regret and without guilt.




Discussion Questions:
1. Do you think the mother was responsible for Emily’s problems as a child?

2. Do you think Emily would have had problems had she not been sent away?

3. Could the mother have done more to help or prevent Emily’s problems?

4. The narrator refers to a “you” who suggested that she help with Emily. Who do you think the “you” is?

5. The reaching question. The story seems somewhat unfinished at the end. Do you think Emily’s state will continue to improve or will she always struggle with her anxiety?